Boyfriend trusts his mother more than me

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 and I have been living with a man for two years. We do not have children together, but I have a five-year-old son who is living with his grandmother.

When I met the man I am living with, I told him the truth. I believe I told him everything about myself. I did not have any money, but he sent me to HEART and I learnt housekeeping. My son's father supports him. When I told my mother that I was going to live with this man, she discouraged me, but I told her I would love to get married, so I am going to take the risk. This man goes to his mother's house every day. Sometimes when he comes home, he does not eat because he ate there. I have a bank account. I told him that I would love for us to share one but he refused. I asked him why and he said he already has one with his mother.

One day I saw a letter from the bank that was addressed to him. It was not properly sealed, so I opened it and I saw that he had $3 million in the account with his mother. I don't know how he found out that I opened his letter - perhaps I did not seal it properly - but it caused a big fuss between us. To calm him down that Thursday evening, I had to have sex with him. Even when he was finished, he warned me not to open any of his letters and told me he did not want anything from me. So anything I have, I should keep for myself, my son and my mother. I felt very ashamed of the things he told me. I love this man so much. He is the only man that I know who does not want another child. I told him that I would agree to have a male child for him to carry his name. He said that he has brothers who would carry the family name.

Recently, I suggested that we should try and buy a piece of land that our neighbour is selling. The man told me he is not buying anything with a woman, and the only woman that he truly trusts is his mother. I don't have any luck with men. Every week he gives me money to buy groceries and he pays all the bills. He likes to see me properly dressed. But he also has his bad ways. To keep him happy, I have to give him good bed works. Do you think I am wasting time with this man?

O.M.

Dear O.M.,

Perhaps when you met this man you told him just about everything about yourself.

It was new love, so you thought that honesty is indeed the best policy. You did not hold back. So this man knows more than what he should know about you. Sometimes he may say in his mind "She is no good," but you know you are a good woman. When men tell women they should tell them everything about themselves, and they do, it does not necessarily help the relationships.

Consider what this man is telling you now, that is, he does not trust women, including you. The only woman who he trusts is his mother. That is why he has $3 million in the account with his mother, but he does not even have a $100,000 with you. He refuses to have any account with you because he does not want you to spend his money.

I know the relationship is still new, but after two years, you should feel very comfortable with this man and he with you. But it does not appear that this relationship is solid. Men always describe women as not good wife material. Well, I am here to say that this man is not good husband material. So I don't expect him to marry you.

Pastor