Husband only wants to do things his way

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and my husband is 24. We don't always see eye to eye. He believes that because he is the man, and he is older, I should always listen to what he says.

I agree that I should follow his leadership, but many times the things he says are not right, so I told him that he should learn to compromise. But he told me that his mother always obeyed his father, and that is what I agreed to before we got married. It is true that before we got married, I told him that I would always obey him. But I did not understand that to mean that even when he wants to make a decision, I would not have a voice.

I have a two-year-old child. He knew about her. I didn't hide that I had a boyfriend who got me pregnant. This man got engaged to me when I was pregnant and he loved my little girl. He was at the hospital when I gave birth. The biological father never gave me any help to prepare for this child, so I can say that my husband is my child's biological father. This child has grown up in my hand and he treats her so well.

When it comes to my husband's food, he wants the same thing every week, but it is very expensive to buy what he loves and he does not meet me half-way at all. I say to him, "Honey, allow me to cook so-and-so," and he says he is not going to eat that. When it comes to sex, he is very rough and he wants me on my knees as often as possible. I am not even going to continue to explain what that position is; I am sure you know. Sometimes I am longing to be in the missionary position when it comes to sex, but he does not compromise at all.

Apart from that, he is a lovely husband and I wouldn't change him for anybody else. I just wish that he would listen to me sometimes, because my suggestions are not many. Thanks for reading my letter.

L.B.

Dear L.B.,

I am glad that you love your husband, and as I read your letter, I said to myself, this young lady should try and find a female counsellor who is respected by her husband.

Perhaps there is such a person in your church who can talk to your husband as a friend, someone he genuinely respects. I believe that he would listen to her and take her suggestions. I don't want to imply that he would not listen to a male counsellor, but try a female first and let him know that you intend to ask this counsellor to talk to him.

I know exactly what you are trying to say. A man used to call me on the Dear Pastor Show, and he used to talk about how delightful it is to have his woman on her knees. Some of these men seem to forget that that sexual position might not be enjoyable to the women all the time. Perhaps next time we can discuss that, so I leave that topic there.

Pastor